Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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