You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
