Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I could make wine with my vomit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
