so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize