rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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