A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
