I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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