I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
