operation have a gay friend backfired
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
