I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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