Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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