my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
