I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize