1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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