He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
