No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drunk is not a location!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize