i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
