He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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