I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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