No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
