he was CRYING into my vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
