Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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