Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
