I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
