i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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