i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
