ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
