**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
