Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
