i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
