i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
