I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
