Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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