Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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