My hand turned me down
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
