i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
