I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
