I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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