my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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