And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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