what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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