idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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