im having a threesome with these popsicles
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
