I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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