Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He passed out mid-signature
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
