I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BRING THE BAGELS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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