I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
