This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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