The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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