i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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