Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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