ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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