saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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