Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
