i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
