you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
