yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
