if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
