Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
