Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
