I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
