I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize