honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
