I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
