I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
